Helping patients find the courage and motivation to confront situations or experiences that feel too anxiety provoking or paralyzing is a therapeutic goal. Behavioral changes resulting from exposure to seemingly untenable situations can enhance the emotional growth facilitated by psychotherapy. The following narrative is a case in point.

An identical twin woman in her midtwenties, “Marcy,” recounted a recent story. She had signed up for a four-day conference and had planned to be there with her twin sister. However, at the last moment, her sister was unable to attend. Marcy, gripped by terror, realized that she would be alone the whole time. However, it turned out that the experience of being there by herself was, in her own words, “life-changing.” She felt authentic, at ease, and liberated. At the end of this weekend event, she realized how certain aspects of herself had not come alive.

The experience helped dispel many old, unhealthy coping mechanisms and negative self-narratives that substantiated her belief that she was incapable of socially engaging with others without her twin. She struggled mightily with worries about being judged and compared, making her feel inadequate and self-conscious about her looks and personality.

Marcy’s academic achievements were the sole source of her positive self-regard. Her fragile sense of self relied exclusively upon external accolades. She felt her internal life had no worth, meaning, or power. She had lived with this belief system for so long that she felt stupid and ashamed to wish for anything different. Her fate was sealed, and she felt compelled to accept the inevitable.

Having to rely upon herself opened avenues of courage and happiness that she had never deemed possible. She felt free, alive, and powerful. It was as if someone had unbuckled her shackles to her self-hating, doomsday predilections. Happily, she exclaimed, “I am a good dancer, I am funny, I am attractive, and I have a lot to offer other people.” She sighed and remarked, “If only I had done something like this sooner.” Of course, at the end of the conference, Marcy could not wait to share her happiness and joy with her twin.

The moral of this story is that being on your own without your twin can initiate positive results. The thrill of individuation can be a boost, a push, and a motivator for emotional growth. Uncertainty, albeit frightening, can lead to change and growth. Many close-knit twin pairs sustain their special bond because they savor their uniqueness.

Image by Bayley Nargang, Pixabay