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Parents of twins often feel like dreadful failures if their twins are not close. It’s fascinating that parents of singletons want their children to be close; however, with twins, there seems to be a built-in expectation that closeness is part and parcel of the twinship. This notion is a perfect example of the twin mystique, which projects this expectation on twins and parents alike.

While it may seem counterintuitive, the more latitude that you give your twins in expressing ambivalent feelings about their twin, the more psychic room you are providing so that conflicts can be expected and managed. Remember that, for most of us, familiarity breeds contempt. Why would twins feel anything different? Yet twins are expected to behave differently because of their special bond. They do share a special closeness that is authentic. And the healthiest way to nurture that intimacy is to allow them to express their diverseness so that they have the freedom to really like one another based on their individual selves.