I work with a pair of identical twin women whose individual temperaments are as diverse as night and day. One of the twins, Sue, is a school nurse, and the other, Ellen, crunches numbers at a food warehouse business. Much of the focus of our work has been articulating the differences in the way they think, feel, and approach life. At times, Sue becomes frustrated when she expresses her needs and feelings because Ellen has difficulty grasping abstract concepts such […]
Tag Archives: adolescence
Adolescence and Multiples: Steering Our Selfish and Sassy Teens to Selfhood
For most children in our Western societies, the goal of adolescence is to become more independent from their parents. In his terrific book on adolescent development, Dr. Anthony Wolf writes that adolescence is not a single event but a number of changes happening within a relatively short period. The two main forces of adolescence are the onset of sexuality and the turning away from parents. Young teens turn away from their childish feelings. They cannot feel close to or dependent […]
Adolescence: A Time to Be Tough with Your Twins
Parents of twins, especially younger twins, celebrate and romanticize the twin bond. But preoccupation with the twin bond often prevents parents from making healthy decisions for each twin. In fact, some families are so invested in the twinship that they are unable to recognize the importance of separating the twins from time to time. When parents ask me for advice about how to help adolescent twins refrain from constant bickering, teasing, and criticism, I compare twins to an “old married […]
Beware Twin Denial
On the last day of the New Zealand Multiple Birth Association conference, I chaired a panel of adult twins who volunteered their time to answer questions posed by moms of younger twins. Many of the questions presented to the panel addressed issues about twins being compared, their individuality, and the importance of knowing who is older. It was interesting that the twins who introduced themselves all remarked if they were the older one! The panel members seemed to agree that […]