A few months ago I received an e-mail from a gentleman asking for marital advice. He had been married for four years to his wife, an identical twin. He described that his wife grew up in a terribly dysfunctional alcoholic family. She and her sister survived the ordeal by relying on one another. While I am not privy to many details, I have imagined or assumed what must have transpired to give rise to the marital difficulties. The husband described […]
Tag Archives: competition
When One Twin Is Held Back in School and How It Affects Their Emotional Well-Being
I’ll never forget being kept back in the fourth grade while my twin sister, Fay Louise, moved ahead. I’m sure it was the final proof I needed as a frail, indecisive child to convince me that I was inferior. For years, I believed I wasn’t as smart as my sister. I refused to give myself any credit for having been ill and kept back for that reason. I was “dumb” and I played that record over and over, a thousand […]
Twin Lethargy—Not Twin Synergy
When I was in fifth grade, we had to complete a class project that involved choosing a proverb that had special meaning and artfully making it into a parchment manuscript. I have always remembered the maxim I chose: “The easy way is not always the best way.” While I had little realization of the unconscious meaning of that idea in my ten-year-old thought process, I can make meaning of my choice in hindsight. While this is a subjective interpretation on […]
The Risks of Twin Motivation
While twins can be excellent motivators for each other, sometimes risks are associated with the constant comparison and competition that underlie their attachment. This article discusses how these dynamics can contribute to eating disorders in some identical twin pairs. It was originally published on FoxNews.com on August 28, 2016, and I am sharing it here with the author’s permission. Twins at higher risk for eating disorders, experts say Julie Revelant Growing up, identical twins Jennifer* and Marie*, 34, were best […]
Heartbreak
If more people understood the complicated dynamics between identical twin girls, the public might be less inclined to treat them as a unit and lump them together. When I work with adult female MZ (monozygotic, or identical) twins, I am amazed and dismayed at their underdeveloped and unsophisticated knowledge of themselves and one another. Since they have had few opportunities to be separate and have primarily shared a peer group, they are shockingly unaware of their personality differences until an external event […]