In my workshop about adult twins at the Multiple Births Canada Conference in Edmonton, one mother shared her grief about her twins going off to college. She recounted that her twins were conceived on her last and final IVF attempt, and they have truly been a gift. Other moms in the group had diametrically opposing outlooks. They were looking forward to a lifestyle liberated from child-rearing concerns and responsibilities. Having personally experienced separations from my children as well as counseling […]
Tag Archives: independence
Happy Wife: Happy Life
“Women cannot afford the luxury of unambivalent love for their husbands. . . . When couples quarrel it is over the giving and receiving of gratitude.” These sentences, originally written by Arlie Russell Hochschild in her book, The Second Shift: Working Parents and the Revolution at Home, and quoted in Jennifer Senior’s book All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood, caught my attention and piqued my curiosity. I am an adamant “ambivalence” advocate and have written repeatedly […]
I Am Only a Half
Twins who have attended the same college often decide to explore life on their own when it’s time to find that first job. A young man in his early twenties who was searching the Internet for help with this adult twin challenge recently contacted me. Similar to many twin pairs who are just beginning to reflect about the consequences of being without one’s twin, he shared how anxious and depressed he was being on his own for the first time. […]
My Husband’s Twin Brother Moved Next Door
I have written often about how partners of twins have difficulty understanding the depth and pull of twinship. A woman I shall refer to as Mrs. D recently reached out for help to handle her feelings of resentment and helplessness about her husband’s renewed and intensified relationship with his twin brother. She explained that, in the past, she had a terrific relationship with her brother-in-law. However, since his contentious divorce and his move next door to her family, she has felt […]
I Always Think First About What Is Best for Both of Us
9Instead of thinking how lovely it is that twins care so much about each other, when I hear a sentiment such as the one above, I worry. I imagine the overly dependent relationship that most likely exists between the twins. What may begin as a compatible, caretaking, and harmonious twin attachment can turn into a relationship where one or both twins feels trapped and powerless and yet clueless and fearful about change. At some point, one twin usually desires more freedom […]