A stunningly intransigent aspect of the caretaker and cared for twin dynamic is the fixed roles reflected in the dyadic interaction. The caretaker’s sense of self-worth rests upon her success at lifting up her twin. An identical twin in her midforties contacted me because she was worn out, depleted, and depressed after years of caring for her twin, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder more than twenty years ago. She shared that her sister had been sickly since childhood and […]
Tag Archives: psychotherapy
Joined at the Hip
Understandably, some twins long for immediate intimacy because they have grown up with a constant companion. A friend of mine, an identical twin in his thirties, struggled in many relationships because of this issue. He tends to become too intimate with his boyfriends too quickly. He feels threatened and insecure if the connection is not hot and heavy from the get-go. When the relationship falls apart, he is overwhelmed by loss and grief. His big feelings, as we describe them, […]
Tilting at Windmills
Many psychotherapists feel disheartened and discouraged when treating a couple who appear unable to reestablish trust and stability. A similar situation occurs with twin pairs who struggle to get their relationship back on track. Working through upsetting events and traumatic feelings requires a tremendous amount of effort, dedication, and commitment. I am helping a pair of identical female twins in their midfifties to listen to one another more effectively and rekindle their connection. A number of complex variables hindered the […]
Can a Twin Connection Mask Emotional Vulnerability?
My London-based fellow “twin therapist” and I were discussing a case that she is treating at the moment. A family whose eighteen-year-old identical twin daughter withdrew from college at the beginning of her second term contacted my colleague for help. This exceptionally bright and accomplished young woman fell apart at college and was forced to take a medical leave of absence. It is difficult to speculate about the variables that may have contributed to this unsettling and unexpected chain of […]
Above and Beyond Nature versus Nurture
Every so often, stories about twins separated from birth who are reunited with their sister or brother make sensational headlines. While the circumstances vary as to how they find one another, the particular details are exciting, heartwarming, and in some cases astounding. Hearing about how families make sacrifices to enable the separated siblings to see one another in order to have an ongoing connection is a testimony to their commitment to the twin bond. Inevitably, one person or another comments […]