Twins often find it difficult to appreciate their own successes. Since so many of their accomplishments are evaluated in relation to their twin, many twins find it challenging to absorb a singular success. It has been a habitual practice to evaluate a twin’s status by comparing what one twin has or doesn’t have–or did or did not do–with that of the other twin. Singletons are accustomed to being compared with others, and consequently they learn how to integrate their successes […]
Tag Archives: recognition
Twins and Altruism
Recently, I commented about a pair of 21-year-old identical twin female tennis players qualifying for the first time at Wimbledon. Sadly, the twin who advanced to the next round could not fully celebrate the biggest win of her career because her twin sister had lost her match. If you are not a twin, you may find it hard to understand why the victorious twin had to downplay and deflect her success. Let me share Jeffrey Kluger’s definition of altruism from […]
Double or Nothing
During my talks at the New Zealand Multiple Birth Association conference, prominent themes recurred. Interestingly, many moms had identical twins, so issues regarding individuation were very important. One concern was that teachers and coaches are often unable or unwilling to learn how to differentiate one twin from the other. We discussed how insulting this laissez-faire mentality is to twins who are yearning to be recognized and how it could lead to poor decision making. Often, one twin will not be celebrated […]