This is a familiar lament I hear again and again in my encounters with twins. The individuals I have worked with who confront this conundrum have not been able to separate comfortably from their twin. A tumultuous history of mutual dependence, struggle, and resentment has rendered the twins incapable of communicating authentically. Their ambivalent behaviors toward one another—a push-pull struggle—keep them connected via distrust and guilt. An adult twin in her early forties shared her experiences. She told me that […]
Tag Archives: relationships
Limelight, Love, and Singularity
A father of twins raised a poignant dilemma during one of my recent presentations. He feels terribly uncomfortable praising one twin for his special talent and not being able to do the same for his other son. Specifically, he is uncomfortable complimenting one son’s musical skills because his brother does not demonstrate the same proficiency. He feels guilty and unclear about treating each one differently. That this dad equates praising one son as diminishing the other illustrates how much this […]
What’s a Mother-in-Law to Do?
I was recently attending the birthday celebration of a friend of mine who turned 85 years old. She is a vital, energetic, engaged woman who is a terrific role model for aging gracefully and graciously. This friend has developed a fascination about twins ever since we met about ten years ago. I call her the Twin Magnet because she seems to find and meet twins wherever she goes. In addition to the twins themselves, she has introduced me and my […]
Young Twins Making Friends
Most parents are captivated by their twins’ connection to each other. In fact, this twin bond often helps to compensate for the many difficulties and challenges that parents face when raising twins—the constant fighting, the ongoing competition for time and attention, the never-ending complaints about who has what. The wonderful aspects of the twin bond can be seen often while watching twins play. Seeing the creative and imaginative content that emerges out of their twin synchrony can be impressive and […]
The Strength of Weak Ties
Dr. Meg Jay, author of The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now discusses the notion of “weak ties” in her enlightening book about young adults. She postulates that twentysomethings who are attempting to define themselves both professionally and personally should reach out to those people they do not know well to help find opportunities for growth and development. While it may seem counterintuitive, she states her argument as follows: Weak ties are […]