The following provocative essay was written by Maranda Elizabeth, who is an identical twin. It was originally published on a site called The Establishment on January 19, 2016. It is reprinted here with the author’s permission. The Complexities of Being a Twin Maranda Elizabeth What is it like to be a twin? When, shortly before dying, Elspeth is asked this in the book Her Fearful Symmetry, she responds, “All I can say is, you haven’t got a twin, […]
Tag Archives: rivalry
Empathy or Enmeshment?
A friend of mine who is the mother of six-year-old twins shared a lovely story about one of her daughters. Her daughter’s first-grade class had a lesson about pollution, and her daughter wrote a few sentences about how she felt so sorry that fish have to swim in dirty water. Her daughter’s teacher told my friend that she has never encountered such an empathic response from such a young child. Having been raised in such close proximity—emotionally and physically—to their […]
More Questions from My Readers
Here are a couple more questions from my readers: My newborn twins are easygoing, but my two-year-old still craves undivided attention. How do I give her the attention she needs and still find time for myself? Caring for two newborns at the same time is a daunting task on its own, not to mention with the additional demands of other family members. The best thing to keep in mind is that you can only do your best, that this […]
Questions from My Readers
I love to take questions from my readers. Here are some recent ones: How do I stop my son from constantly biting my daughter? A toddler’s bite usually has an underlying motive—he’s frustrated, afraid, exhausted, has pent-up tension, or is craving adult attention. Regardless of the reason, biting needs to be addressed immediately. I’ve found these methods to be effective: Using a calm, firm voice and few words, say, “There is no” Put a single finger on his lips to […]
Empathic Listening
Our parenting roles with our adult children and their families can at times be complicated and conflictual. The ever-present vestiges of sibling rivalry live long in most of us. Often I talk with my therapist about ongoing issues with my five children. She smiles sympathetically and replies, “Joan, you have too many children.” Thankfully, my clinical training has prepared me well for my lifelong occupation as the resident complaint department. I have developed and refined the art of empathic listening […]