A seventeen-year-old fraternal twin girl whom I will call Mia contacted me to talk about the challenges she and her sister may encounter when they attend separate colleges in the fall. She described her relationship with her sister as very close, sharing extracurricular activities, friends, and interests. They are the only children in the family. Last summer, they separated for the first time. Although Mia felt strange being without “her security blanket,” she related that it felt fantastic to be […]
Tag Archives: sisters
Can’t Live with Her; Can’t Live without Her
This is a familiar lament I hear again and again in my encounters with twins. The individuals I have worked with who confront this conundrum have not been able to separate comfortably from their twin. A tumultuous history of mutual dependence, struggle, and resentment has rendered the twins incapable of communicating authentically. Their ambivalent behaviors toward one another—a push-pull struggle—keep them connected via distrust and guilt. An adult twin in her early forties shared her experiences. She told me that […]
Biathlon: American Twin Gives Up Olympic Spot to Sister
How do we understand this headline? Competition between twins is built into their relationship. It can be a terrific source of motivation and camaraderie. As the Barnes twins attest, they have trained together for 15 years and have been each other’s strongest advocate and inspiration. Tracy’s decision to give her Olympic spot to her sister, Lanny, has been touted as one of the few feel-good stories for a Winter Olympics sullied by security fears and antigay rhetoric. Those of us who […]
Sisters, Twins, Best Friends?
Often twins can eventually acknowledge that their siblings are not always their best friends. Singletons face similar challenges. A close friend of mine has consistently justified her youngest sister’s selfishness and self-involvement. My friend feels uncomfortable disagreeing with her sister because she does not want to trigger her sister’s anger or resentment. My friend was raised by parents who taught her to have minimal expectations. In addition, my friend often denies having unpleasant thoughts because they make her feel uncomfortable […]