Many of the adult twins that contact me are experiencing emotional pain due to a growing awareness that they are different from their twin. They struggle mightily with this dawning realization that they are not magically and nonverbally on the same page. Often, external circumstances trigger a series of events that make a twin pair’s differences obvious. For example, becoming a parent for the first time can be a tumultuous developmental adjustment for many people. When one twin discovers that […]
Tag Archives: therapy
It’s My Turn
A stunningly intransigent aspect of the caretaker and cared for twin dynamic is the fixed roles reflected in the dyadic interaction. The caretaker’s sense of self-worth rests upon her success at lifting up her twin. An identical twin in her midforties contacted me because she was worn out, depleted, and depressed after years of caring for her twin, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder more than twenty years ago. She shared that her sister had been sickly since childhood and […]
Joined at the Hip
Understandably, some twins long for immediate intimacy because they have grown up with a constant companion. A friend of mine, an identical twin in his thirties, struggled in many relationships because of this issue. He tends to become too intimate with his boyfriends too quickly. He feels threatened and insecure if the connection is not hot and heavy from the get-go. When the relationship falls apart, he is overwhelmed by loss and grief. His big feelings, as we describe them, […]
Tilting at Windmills
Many psychotherapists feel disheartened and discouraged when treating a couple who appear unable to reestablish trust and stability. A similar situation occurs with twin pairs who struggle to get their relationship back on track. Working through upsetting events and traumatic feelings requires a tremendous amount of effort, dedication, and commitment. I am helping a pair of identical female twins in their midfifties to listen to one another more effectively and rekindle their connection. A number of complex variables hindered the […]
I Must Keep Reminding Myself
I must keep reminding myself that most people are, understandably, unfamiliar with emotionally laden twin dynamics. For obvious reasons, one would not know or be interested in these relationships unless he or she were a twin, were parenting twins, or were counseling twins. What seems obvious to me often results in an aha moment for those unfamiliar with the psychology of twins. I was telling my colleague about a twin patient of mine who struggles mightily with the challenge of defining […]