Psychologist Daniel Kahneman has coined a few terms to distinguish between the “experiencing self” and the “remembering self.” He believes that what we remember resonates more strongly than what we experience. Jennifer Senior, author of All Joy and No Fun, borrows this perspective to explain the discrepancy between parental discontent about the day-to-day drudgery of taking care of children and the indescribable joy and rewards of raising children. She writes, “It may not be the happiness we live day to […]
Tag Archives: transition
I Am Only a Half
Twins who have attended the same college often decide to explore life on their own when it’s time to find that first job. A young man in his early twenties who was searching the Internet for help with this adult twin challenge recently contacted me. Similar to many twin pairs who are just beginning to reflect about the consequences of being without one’s twin, he shared how anxious and depressed he was being on his own for the first time. […]
My Husband’s Twin Brother Moved Next Door
I have written often about how partners of twins have difficulty understanding the depth and pull of twinship. A woman I shall refer to as Mrs. D recently reached out for help to handle her feelings of resentment and helplessness about her husband’s renewed and intensified relationship with his twin brother. She explained that, in the past, she had a terrific relationship with her brother-in-law. However, since his contentious divorce and his move next door to her family, she has felt […]
I Always Think First About What Is Best for Both of Us
9Instead of thinking how lovely it is that twins care so much about each other, when I hear a sentiment such as the one above, I worry. I imagine the overly dependent relationship that most likely exists between the twins. What may begin as a compatible, caretaking, and harmonious twin attachment can turn into a relationship where one or both twins feels trapped and powerless and yet clueless and fearful about change. At some point, one twin usually desires more freedom […]
My London Trip
Recently, I had the honor of hosting a dim sum tea for three of the most distinguished twin experts in London. Collectively these three have contributed a vast body of knowledge about twin psychology in their respective books. Audrey Sandbank, editor of Twin and Triplet Psychology and author of Twins and the Family is a psychotherapist who previously worked with twins and their families. At present, she specializes in the treatment of anxiety in children and is creating an app to […]