I talked with a friend of mine the other day about twins and their proclivity to unconsciously replicate relationships that mimic their twin connection. My acquaintance shared an anecdote about her singleton friend who discovered that she had created and reenacted a significant twin-like attachment throughout her lengthy married life. The story involves a woman who married at a young age, devoted to supporting her husband financially and professionally. When their children were in college, the wife decided to resume […]
Tag Archives: twins
Identical Twins: Emotionally Worlds Apart
Our fascination with identical twins seems to continue unabated. I have been surprised by websites such as http://www.twinstrangers.com and http://findmydoppelganger.net that will help you find your doppelganger. The definition of doppelganger is someone that looks the same as another person but is not a twin; an additional meaning is a ghost identical to a living person: an apparition in the form of a double of a living person. In stark contrast to this phenomenon, actual identical twins strive to form […]
Love Me, Love Me Not
A mother of 15-year-old fraternal twin girls came to see me because she was concerned that the verbal and physical fighting between her daughters had escalated to a frightening degree. She told me that Elsa and Avery have always been close. She described Elsa as the easygoing twin who has habitually complied with and tolerated the overbearing behavior of her sister, Avery. But the girls’ attitudes and roles have shifted within the last few months. Avery has become increasingly […]
Twins Want to Win, Not Compromise
Learning how to be tolerant and open to disparate points of view is not easy or simplistic. Many people deliberately avoid discussions about politics, sex, or religion because such conversations evoke passionate and steadfast feelings and beliefs. But learning how to manage disagreements and divergent perspectives is vital for all of us in our intimate relationships because most of us—even identical twins—will not always be in agreement about significant decisions, actions, or opinions. When adult twins do not have sufficient […]
Can Envy Be Benign?
A recent article in the New Yorker magazine discussed and defined the meaning of benign envy. Often people can be confused about the essential difference between jealousy and envy. My definitions are as follows: jealousy is an expectable feeling in response to wanting what someone has or is—a higher-paying job, a better figure, a bigger house, an expensive car, etc.; envy is coveting what the other person has and feeling enormous resentment, rage, and ill will concerning that individual’s accomplishments, […]