The intense outpouring of strong opinions regarding the issue of inviting one twin to a party and not including her sister has provoked an unexpected outcry on social media. I suggest that a more overarching issue has touched and inflamed many people: the cultural stereotyping of twins has been attacked and dismantled by the notion of separating the twins. Throughout the ages, twins have been portrayed as indivisible soul mates who will remain together forever in life and beyond. So the issue of interfering with this connection and having it unjustly severed by others is particularly loathsome and inflammatory.

It has been interesting to read the responses from twins to this predicament. A few twin pairs weighed in with the thought that this is a good idea because it enables twins to learn how to socialize on their own. Others feel as if it is a traumatizing event that can harm the twins’ relationship. I believe both perspectives have merit.

I have long advocated for the importance of twins having opportunities to spend alone time with their parents as well as experiencing some activities separate from each other. The special alone time with parents helps facilitate the parental attachment, which is often naturally sacrificed because of the burden of having to connect to two children at the same time. In addition, in my work with twins and their families over the last four decades, I have learned that many twins have suffered tremendous social consequences and difficulties because the twin relationship inhibited them from learning how to establish ties on their own.

My principal takeaway from this discussion is that every parent must be able to assess each child’s readiness for a separation. In addition, parents’ willingness and enthusiasm about promoting individuality must also be addressed. Whether it is a decision to have the twins in separate classes or to allow one twin to have a separate playdate or other activity, the children’s developmental capabilities are the most salient factors to consider.

In this case, the mother of the twins felt that her daughters were not ready for this experience. I can truly understand her thinking and decision-making. However, I fear that some parents of twins will exploit this incident to substantiate that their own twins should never be separated. I can confidently attest that this mindset can lead to many unforeseen difficulties as the twins mature. Encouraging twins at younger ages to be comfortable in their world without their twin by their side will be an emotional gift that will exponentially enhance their adult twin attachment.

Photo by Tim Bish on Unsplash (cropped)